To Die an Old Maid
by AzureSky13
Summary: Twenty-four year old Hay Lin is the only member of W.I.T.C.H. that is not married, or engaged. Without a boyfriend in sight, Irma makes an accidental broadcast to all of Heatherfield that Hay Lin, in fact, needs to get laid. Hilarity ensues.


Hay Lin was not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination.

After years and years of phenomenal occurrences, the twenty four year old prided herself on being able to fully control her guardian abilities, slay all sorts of bad guys; and most all—she made a mean cup of joe. It was the simplistic morning ritual that helped to get that desperate jump-start to her day.

So Hay Lin somehow _knew _it was going to be a bad day when she wrenched open the cupboard in a kind of zombie-like daze that so many adults are accustomed to—and rummaged around in the open cupboard with an increasing franticness before coming upon a horrible realization. She had forgotten to buy coffee the previous night.

Right then and there the air guardian should have picked up the phone, called in to her business, said she was ill and promptly have gone back to bed for another five or six hours. However it was in the sort of confused stupor that came from lack of caffeine that Hay Lin stumbled around her bedroom after a quick shower and got dressed without really seeing what she was putting on as she prepared to leave her modest apartment.

Unfortunately for Hay Lin, she ignored her instinct to stay holed up in her apartment, and instead left for work still wearing her fuzzy bunny slippers and her sleeping cap. The unsuspecting air guardian didn't quite realize how horrible of a day it would truly become.

xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxx W.I.T.C.H xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxx W.I.T.C.H xxx W.I.T.C.H.

"You… you _do _realize that you're wearing bunny slippers right boss?" Susan asked, wrinkling her nose as she tried not to laugh at Hay Lin's perplexed expression upon coming to the realization that she had indeed walked five blocks in her rather obnoxious fuzzy pink bunny slippers and nightcap.

"Uh… yes." Hay Lin said, snatching the cap off of her head quickly, while trying to hide her blush from her only employee. Susan just grinned and shrugged casually, "Sure." Was all she said before laughing and heading out to the front of the shop to prepare for the days opening.

The shop was none other than _Cosmic Clothing, _a modest sized clothing store that Hay Lin herself had opened. It was stocked not only with clothes and accessories that she had designed, but also any other local designer's clothes. Susan was Hay Lin's only other employee, and was still currently attending high school at Sheffield Institute, but her spares worked to her advantage, so she didn't have class until the afternoon most days.

_Cosmic Clothing_ was everything that Hay Lin could have hoped for! She was in her element (not literally) when she was in her store—and although at first her parents had been unsure about Hay Lin's career choice, eventually they had come round. She was following her dreams, and her mother and father respected that.

Hay Lin was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the phone ringing and Susan's call of: "hey boss can you get the phone please?" Susan said in a strained voice as she carried a tower of boxes precariously into the back room. Hay Lin could barely see Susan's auburn hair over the boxes and quickly hurried to answer the phone.

"Cosmic Clothing, how can I help you?" Hay Lin snatched the phone up breathlessly as she nearly dove over the counter to reach the phone in time.

"HAY HAY!" Hay Lin nearly had a heart attack as simultaneously her eardrums almost burst as an all too familiar voice shrieked out of the phone.

"Ouch! Irma, what's the matter?" Hay Lin asked worriedly, but she held the phone at arms length because she feared for her hearing.

"I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!" Irma shouted, and even Susan paused as she came back through the doorway, peering curiously over at the phone as she momentarily stopped hauling boxes. _Irma? _Susan mouthed, and Hay Lin cringed and nodded.

"I'm free at lunch Irma, I can drop by the radio station then?" Hay Lin asked, wondering what on earth had gotten her best friend so hyped. Last time she was this excited was when David Addams came to Heatherfield and was signing autographs. Naturally the overexcited water guardian had grabbed her best friend and dragged her along to stand in line for seven hours. But Irma was Hay Lin's best friend and would do anything for her.

"No! That's okay!" _Click! _Hay Lin stared at the phone, perturbed as the line went dead. She didn't have long to recover as quite suddenly Irma very nearly mowed down the front door in her exuberance to get into the store.

"Hay Lin!" Irma all but shrieked, this time successfully mowing down her friend as Irma hugged her so hard the air guardian's bones were creaking. The two fell to the floor with a dull thud, but Irma was giggling so much Hay Lin couldn't help but giggle along with her friend.

"Irma what's going on I haven't seen you like this since…" Hay Lin trailed off as Irma took her glove off and held up her hand. A beautiful diamond ring glittered on Irma's ring finger, and Hay Lin was instantly struck speechless.

"I'm engaged Hay Hay!" Irma squealed, hugging Hay Lin once more from their position on the floor still. Susan just shrugged and kept on stocking the shelves, used to this kind of odd behavior. At least it wasn't a dull day working for Hay Lin!

"Oh my god Irma! Congratulations!" Hay Lin squealed along with Irma, and hugging her best friend back. The two girls laughed and then quieted gradually as they lay on the ground beside each other, staring up at the darkened ceiling that was painted with a very life like rendition of the stars and the Milky Way.

"When did Martin propose?" Hay Lin asked finally, after letting it sink in that her best friend was engaged. Irma grinned and rolled over onto her side, propping up her head in her hand. Her hair was slightly longer, but Irma still had the same mischievous look in her blue green eyes as she did when they were still in high school.

"About five minutes ago actually. I wanted to tell you first." Irma admitted happily, gazing at her ring in a kind of dazed, love struck way that made Hay Lin recall the times in high school when Martin would look at Irma with the same eyes. It had taken years, but Irma had finally realized what a nice guy Martin was, and although reluctantly at first, they began to date. And now, Irma was head over heels for Martin, and Hay Lin could not blame her. Martin was a wonderful boy friend to Irma, and had certainly grown into his body. Gone was the gangly limbs, oversized glasses and a sprinkling of freckles, in its place was a handsome young man who had stolen the heart of her best friend.

Hay Lin was incredibly flattered that Irma had rushed to tell her first, she doubted that Irma had even told her stepmother or her father yet.

"So come on, you can't hold back any details! How did he propose?" Hay Lin asked, turning to face her friend. Irma smiled, and Hay Lin could truly believe that a woman never looked so beautiful until she was in love. In fact, it had happened four times already that Hay Lin had had the chance to witness such a phenomena. First Cornelia, then Taranee, and Will, and now, Irma.

"Well, I—" Irma was cut off by the sound of the phone ringing. Hay Lin swiftly brought the phone down and answered it smoothly.

"Cosmic Clothing how can I help—"

"HAY LIN?" The air guardian winced as her eardrums were brutalized for the second time that day.

"Martin?" Hay Lin asked curiously, and Irma looked just as surprised as she did.

"Hay Lin! Thank god, I just proposed to Irma, and—and she just looked at me and all of a sudden ran off! Is she with you? She's not at work!" Martin pleaded desperately.

"Irma?" Hay Lin asked, trying to stifle her laughter, as Irma looked horrified.

"Give me the phone!" Irma practically lunged for the store phone, as Hay Lin burst out laughing.

"Muffin I'm so sorry! I was so excited and I wanted to tell Hay Lin and what? YES OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU!" Irma was shouting into the phone, as Hay Lin carefully picked herself up, laughing still at her friend's misunderstanding. Poor Martin had probably had a heart attack when Irma had run away, unbeknownst that she was just too excited that she had forgotten to tell her now fiancé yes.

Susan was grinning as Hay Lin entered the back room, intending to give her best friend and little privacy while on the phone. That and she didn't know how many "no you're the best muffin cake ever" she would be able to handle.

"Looks like you're going to another wedding boss." In the last couple of years Hay Lin had been to two weddings, but now Irma's would make three. Hay Lin nodded and vaguely wondered if Irma's wedding would be as stressful as Cornelia's a couple years back.

"Yes, so I might need you to cover a few extra days when I help plan the wedding." Hay Lin agreed.

"Right-o." Susan nodded as Hay Lin laughed and tied up the trash bag. The air was cold and bitter that winter morning as the air guardian stepped outside. The light layer of snow crunched beneath her feet as she trudged over to the large dumpster, lost in her thoughts.

Hay Lin was unbelievably happy for Irma, after all, Irma was her best friend and their friendship meant the world to her. However her best friend's engagement also served as a painful reminder to Hay Lin about the rather depressing fact was that at the age of twenty-four, Hay Lin remained to be the only guardian who hadn't gotten engaged, or married. She didn't even have a boy friend!

Hay Lin was certain that she would forever remain the ninth wheel of her friends and their respective loves. She was condemned to forever be the bridesmaid but never the bride. Her ovaries were resigned to their fate of shriveling up and turning to dust. She was doomed to walk the earth alone forever and…

"Hay Lin!" Irma called, startling the air guardian out of her ridiculous thoughts and she gracefully tripped and fell into the snow bank.

"What the heck are you doing?" Irma demanded as she helped Hay Lin out of the snow bank, but trying to stifle her laughter and failing.

"Nothing." Hay Lin smiled, brushing herself off.

"Martin is here to get me, we're going out tonight to celebrate! I'm going to call everyone and we're going out just like old times okay? I can pick you up around five because we're going out for dinner—no excuses! You work too much as it is." Irma said sternly, upon seeing the hesitant look Hay Lin was giving her.

"I was just going to say I'll have to ask Susan to cover for me then." Hay Lin said, sticking her tongue out childishly at Irma, who reciprocated with an equally childish raspberry.

"I'll pick you up at five, see you then!" Irma said giddily, disappearing back into the back door of the store with a cheery wave and grin. Hay Lin waved back briefly before lowering her hand and forlornly wondering if she was going to die an old woman by herself. She was happy for her best friend—no, _beyond_ happy—but Hay Lin suspected that Irma and the rest of W.I.T.C.H. would not stand for her being single any longer. She had even felt the need to date since she had been in high school, after Vincent the male population seemed rather bleak.

"That was exceedingly graceful, per usual." Too many times that day Hay Lin had nearly jumped out of her skin, and it was barely past ten in the morning. She could hear him laughing as she turned around to glare at the offending voice.

"Good morning to you too Logan," Hay Lin greeted, offering him a slightly sarcastic smile. Logan just peered at her with his honey amber eyes before throwing his bag of trash in the dumpster with a resounding _clang _as it hit the metal. Logan worked at the restaurant next door as a waiter, and was often seen in the connecting alley between her store and the restaurant.

"So your friend is getting married? What's her name again? Emu?" Hay Lin rolled her eyes and huffed, glaring once more at Logan, who just smiled a handsome, Cheshire grin as he leaned up against the wall. Hay Lin knew that Logan was only teasing, because he had transferred in to Sheffield Institute in their grade twelve year—he'd kept mostly to himself but their grad class was small enough that everyone knew at least everyone's names. Hay Lin had sat next to him in the library once, smiling and Logan had smiled back at her shyly. She hadn't known then what a sarcastic individual he could be back then.

"Do you always make it a point to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?" Hay Lin asked curiously, and Logan just shrugged and pulled out a package of cigarettes. He calmly lit his cigarette as Hay Lin wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"Do you have any idea how bad that is for your lungs?" Hay Lin asked.

"Can't be any worse then anything else these days," Logan went to take a long drag on his cigarette, just as Hay Lin began to trek back to the door to her store.

"If you don't hurry up you're going to die an old maid." The air guardian froze and whirled back around, at loss for words as she just glared flat out at the offending waiter, who innocently looked back at her. Hay Lin simply turned back around on her heel and slammed the door. She waited just long enough to hear Logan's cry of surprise as the snowdrift that hung directly above him crashed down. She could hear a string of mild profanity as Hay Lin giggled and felt extremely triumphant

Logan's words may have struck a chord in her, what he had said was exactly what she had been worrying about—but often it was the little things like making a snow drift "accidentally" fall onto him that brightened her day considerably.

xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H. xxxW.I.T.C.H.

"Hurry Irma! We're going to be late." Hay Lin laughed at her friend's ridiculous antics as Irma pretended to slow motion walk. The two women had to stop at Irma's work, the most popular radio station in Heatherfield before they were going to head out to the restaurant. Irma had forgotten her wallet at work, having been far too excited to start the night.

"Don't worry Hay Hay, we have all night to party!" Irma assured her as she unlocked the radio station doors. Hay Lin waited back slightly as Irma flicked on the lights, and headed towards the recording booth.

"Is everyone coming tonight?" Hay Lin asked as she helped Irma scourer the room. The radio station played a set recording on Friday nights of the best music, with no commercial breaks so that people would enjoy the music more, and because it was a set recording, no one was needed around the station.

"Well almost everyone anyways. Elyon couldn't make it, said something about a 'diplomatic meeting' or whatever." Irma said rolling her eyes, although Hay Lin knew that she was just teasing.

"It's got to be around here somewhere…" Irma leaned down, but wasn't paying attention to how close her head was to the table and when she went to stand back up, she knocked her head painfully and staggered back.

"Ouch…" Irma moaned, steadying herself on the countertop, but she didn't realize where her hand had landed as she stood back up. Neither of the two guardians noticed the sign that had been inactive, lit up with a flashing, dull red glow just outside the recording booth window.

Hay Lin got down on her knees and began to crawl around, looking for Irma's wallet.

"Hey Hay Lin, did you invite anyone to come with you tonight?" Irma asked a moment later, clearing her head of the throbbing pain. Hay Lin frowned to herself as she kept looking.

"Like who?" Hay Lin asked, glancing at Irma who had joined her on the ground as they checked under the table. She could practically sense the hesitant look on Irma's face.

"Like maybe a nice guy, you know, a date?" Irma trailed off, unsure.

"Irma…" Hay Lin sighed, standing back up to get a proper view of her best friend, "It's okay that I don't have a date isn't it?" She asked sternly, and Irma nodded, but then Hay Lin could recognize the determined look that she had seen all too many times in Irma's blue- green eyes.

"But Hay Lin, you're twenty four years old and you don't have a boyfriend! Everyone else is married or engaged and we're all just worried about you, what if you grow older and your ovaries end up shriveling and turning to dust because you haven't ever used them?" Hay Lin blushed a bright red almost instantly. It was one thing _thinking _that, but having your best friend say it straight out was disturbingly embarrassing to hear.

"Can we not bring my virginity into this please Irma?" Hay Lin pleaded, trying to hide her scarlet cheeks from the water guardian.

"I'm just saying Hay Lin, haven't you at least felt any kind of spark? A sizzle? A little steam? _Anything?" _Irma asked desperately. Hay Lin sighed and shook her head.

"After the last one I just haven't had time." But Irma would not be swayed.

"Hay Lin I didn't want to say this," It was that moment that Hay Lin noticed the dull glow coming just outside the window of the recording room. It was glowing red and at first she thought it was the exit sign.

"Irma—"

"Hay Lin, YOU. NEED. TO. GET. LAID." Irma practically shouted. Quite suddenly the air guardian could feel all air rush from her lungs as it felt as if a cold bucket of ice water had been dumped on her head. That glowing red sign was in fact, not an exit sign. It was the recording booth's light that functioned to let the radio announcers know that they were live on air. Normally it would have been off at this time of night, however with a horrible dawning realization that made Hay Lin feel very nauseous; she watched the sign that was currently flashing: _On Air._

The air guardian had ignored her instinctual feelings to stay in her home, knowing that it was going to be a bad day. But Hay Lin had been wrong. Her best friend had just broadcasted to all of Heatherfield that she, in fact—needed to get laid. The nightmare was truly just beginning.


End file.
